What Is WRONG WITH ME!

Oh, not much really. Just self conscious as always. Just like many of us out there. We are in an age where everything is about beauty, everything is about jealousy, everything is about US.

I'm not sure I quite understand the need for everyone to talk down to everyone else. Why we need to say those mean and cruel things about those around us just to make ourselves feel better. And do some of us even realize how much those things we say hurt those they are targeted at? We are making our society self conscious, and we are unwilling to open our eyes to see that. None of us are willing to sympathize with others, to reach out our hand and say "I know how you feel, why don't we face this world together instead of against each other."

I am a fighter against all things negative.

I haven't always been this way. I won't say that I am a classic beauty. I wouldn't even say I'm pretty at all, but I do fall under the 'cute' category in many people's eyes. I'm not very photogenic, but here's a little example.

I'll start off by saying, before I get to my point, that it use to get to my head, when people called me 'cute' all the time. That means I was a step above average, I was above ugly, I was above others, and it turned me into somewhat of a troll. Like I had justification to poke fun at others who had no idea that anyone would be so mean in the first place. I, now, do not think anyone is below me. I don't think anyone is above me either. We are all equal in beauty, in strength, in intelligence. I know this, and yet I'm struggling through a little self consciousness, just like anyone else, at this moment.

Just the other day, I was walking home from work, still in my uniform, which is your classic pair of beige khakis, and I'm usually sporting some white or beige jacket or sweater, because I actually own a lot of things in those colors, and my uniform requires white shoes. To put it frankly, I looked like a total dork. I was in basically an all white outfit, and my hair was in a bun, stringy and everywhere from pushing around bins and folding laundry all day. Two girls passing by me took notice right away, from which they stopped, pointed and actually laughed at me, saying 'look at this girl', right in front of me. Any other day, I would have just worn that, and sure, people would have stared a little, but I'm going home in my work uniform, how is that weird? People walk by me in their scrubs all the time, because I live near a hospital. Its not strange to me. But these girls hit a sore spot by being so blatantly cruel to laugh at someone like that. And I quickly realized that it hurt so bad, because I use to do that to others, although not straight to their faces. I still have friends who do that, thus why I no longer have facebook, just so I can avoid the anger I feel when they post a picture or a rude comment talking someone else down. Its naive, and cruel.

While that incident was already while I was contemplating this blog, it really pushed my mind to another level. I moved to this town fairly recently and it has really changed my point of view on everything. I have a rather huge, but very very uneducated interest in fashion. I am decent at admiring and pointing out things that are flattering on other people, but I don't know the first thing about dressing myself. And I'm not very confident anymore, especially living near a college where being in shape and being pretty are very important. It actually motivated me to at least lose a few pounds, which I accidentally pushed to a bad level, having dropped 25lbs in the past year, when I probably would have been find just losing 5 or 10. That being said, despite being pretty underweight now, I'm healthier than I have ever been. I've turned into a super health nut when it comes to food, and I do yoga daily, as well as running regularly. It might have a little to do with the fact that I work at a gym as well. But now that I'm down a couple pant sizes as well as a couple bra sizes, none of my clothes fit anymore!

So, here is my proposal for this blog. A full on transformation. I'm already headed in that direction mentally, filling myself with positivity and good energy. I'm going to change my habits from internet and gaming geek, to booknerd, nature geek, and DIY savvy. And I'm going to change my entire wardrobe, the way I do my hair, the way I take care of myself.

So, why did I go on that rant about self consciousness and negative comments towards others? Because I want you to go on this journey with me. If you have anything negative to say about yourself, if people make fun of you, if you are overweight, underweight, don't know how to dress, feel unhealthy, having trouble making friends, whatever it is, I want you to come with me. We will work this out together. I want to start a revolution of positive and beautiful people, inside and out.

On here, to start off, I will post things I'm learning, as well as daily photos of my outfits, new healthy recipes, and if you wish to take this journey with me, we will swap stories, photos, and find the beauty in this world. If we make something successful, I'll move off of blogger and onto something else.

Here are my biggest inspirations right now:
http://galadarling.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMj_P_6H69g

And some daily photos I've made recently:

Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you sooooooon!

http://theoriginalnunky.deviantart.com/
http://kikununki.tumblr.com/